The title of this article pretty much sums up my Lion's gate experience.  Today marks the pinnacle, the peak, of this energy and despite all my preparations, despite all my pre-processing it has still rocked my world.  Things that have been long since forgotten have resurfaced, old patterns in personal life and work life have come quite literally roaring forward blocking my view, blocking my perspective on all the work I have done so far.  For moments I forget that I have been on this journey of healing for over 12 years. I forget that I have walked through freaking fire to get here, I forget that I am in charge of my own destiny.  I regress into feelings of loneliness and sadness that rips me open allowing me to bear my soul to the universe and ask "What's next?".  

Every year about this time I drop into what I affectionally call the "Summer Blah".  Unlike many individuals who get depressed in the winter months I find myself down and out in the summer months.  This started when I was suffering from Grave's disease many years ago.  Grave's is a thyroid disease that caused by hyperthyroidism and one of the main side effects is a complete and utter sensitivity to heat.  I spent several years getting this disease under control and during that time the summer months were gruesome.  There are only so many layers of clothing you can take off and be allowed in public.  Now that Grave's disease is behind me I still find myself being down in the summer months.  Part of it is a familiar fear and dread of the heat, but It's shifted for me over the years and I have recently realized that the primary reason I seem to be down is I actually love the idea of hibernation and self discovery that naturally occurs in the winter months.